What she can do: Offer him more trust than he deserves and keep offering more trust daily. Trust his actions, his impressions, his direction – not from a place of helplessness or weakness within you, but from a place of fanning the flames of nobility in him. Show him your devotional strength in little things you do; how you greet him from a long day of work. Look deeply in his eyes, seeing the part of him that’s the weary warrior feeling burdened by all his responsibilities. Look at him with every part of your being – with your gaze, with your words, with your touch.
Find ways to make him feel his efforts in the world mean something – that they’re valid and significant – that his direction and his intention in the world are paying off and will continue to pay off. Do that through your touch and words, offering him praise for who he is, what he’s doing, and how he does things.
What he can do: Offer her daily appreciation. Praise who she is and what she does from the depth of her being, her inner beauty and radiance – the light of her heart. Notice in her eyes something that’s bright and alive, full of life, shining, and radiant. Offer her continuous praise from your deepest, authentic heart – praise that may even make you feel shy and reveal a little bit of yourself. Go to the edge of your vulnerability, and from that place offer your deepest devotional praise and love to her. When you offer her praise for who she’s being and what she’s doing, she starts to feel bubbly and lighter inside. Now create a spontaneous excursion to surprise her. Constantly keep her guessing about what you’re going to do next. And remember – lots of humour.
Keeping steamy alive
What they can do: One of you take on the dominant, claiming, ravishing role. The other one take on the opposite role, the one being ravished, taken, pressed into surrender, and embraced with strong, deep, penetrating love. Play these poles. Replay them not just in the bedroom, but throughout the day. When one of you is doing dishes, rather than keeping it neutral, one of you take on the game of playing Casanova. In the ravisher’s role say things like, “You’re mine, I love you, I’m taking you fully.” Let your strong words and strong grip of love be sourced in the part of you that’s most tender and loves your partner deeply. Feel each other: what will make your partner open up moment by moment? What would bring them pleasure? What would deepen their trust in you? Take each other to the edge of trust in a loving, edgy way. Once you’re able to establish this level of trust with each other, play consciously back and forth between ravisher and ravishee. Sometimes, go really wild like animals: sweating, kicking, biting, pinching, yelling, screaming, and clawing. Growl from the animal within you. Another time move to the lighter scale of things where you touch each other and share beautiful words of praise and love and stroke each other for hours with poetry, music, tenderness and gentleness. Be willing to play the extremes from the side of gentle, light, tender and delicate to ferociously wild, intense, gripping, and heart wrenching and soul searing.
What they should know:
There is something bigger than your vows. That is your big WHY. Your WHY is more important than any vow that’s dictated by something outside of you or by convention or tradition, or just sourced in a feel good moment. Deeper than a vow is a commitment to something that’s more fundamental than any superficial pact. And that is the biggest WHY. Find out and investigate, and always share with each other what you want with this relationship. “Beloved, how do you wish to create this relationship, my dearest? What shall we create together? How can we create more joy together?” Cleave to each other when the foundations of life get shaky. Recognize those as the times to temper, to strengthen any weaknesses within you from your love for each other, from your commitment to something bigger. Find that big why. Allow the yearning within you to have a relationship that is beyond just this personality – this person who is slowly fading year after year. The biggest why is found in knowing that this one, your most beloved, will pass. Be able to envision the end of your life, and look back to the beginning of your love affair. Know that you gave each other more and grew each other more in this union than you could have alone. You learned to give and receive in ways that continuously marvel yourself and sweeten the love that’s possible.