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How Can We Make This Last Forever?

What she can do: Offer him more trust than he deserves and keep offering more trust daily. Trust his actions, his impressions, his direction – not from a place of helplessness or weakness within you, but from a place of fanning the flames of nobility in him. Show him your devotional strength in little things you do; how you greet him from a long day of work. Look deeply in his eyes, seeing the part of him that’s the weary warrior feeling burdened by all his responsibilities. Look at him with every part of your being – with your gaze, with your words, with your touch.
Find ways to make him feel his efforts in the world mean something – that they’re valid and significant – that his direction and his intention in the world are paying off and will continue to pay off. Do that through your touch and words, offering him praise for who he is, what he’s doing, and how he does things.

What he can do: Offer her daily appreciation. Praise who she is and what she does from the depth of her being, her inner beauty and radiance – the light of her heart. Notice in her eyes something that’s bright and alive, full of life, shining, and radiant. Offer her continuous praise from your deepest, authentic heart – praise that may even make you feel shy and reveal a little bit of yourself. Go to the edge of your vulnerability, and from that place offer your deepest devotional praise and love to her. When you offer her praise for who she’s being and what she’s doing, she starts to feel bubbly and lighter inside. Now create a spontaneous excursion to surprise her. Constantly keep her guessing about what you’re going to do next. And remember – lots of humour.

Keeping steamy alive

What they can do: One of you take on the dominant, claiming, ravishing role. The other one take on the opposite role, the one being ravished, taken, pressed into surrender, and embraced with strong, deep, penetrating love. Play these poles. Replay them not just in the bedroom, but throughout the day. When one of you is doing dishes, rather than keeping it neutral, one of you take on the game of playing Casanova. In the ravisher’s role say things like, “You’re mine, I love you, I’m taking you fully.” Let your strong words and strong grip of love be sourced in the part of you that’s most tender and loves your partner deeply. Feel each other: what will make your partner open up moment by moment? What would bring them pleasure? What would deepen their trust in you? Take each other to the edge of trust in a loving, edgy way. Once you’re able to establish this level of trust with each other, play consciously back and forth between ravisher and ravishee. Sometimes, go really wild like animals: sweating, kicking, biting, pinching, yelling, screaming, and clawing. Growl from the animal within you. Another time move to the lighter scale of things where you touch each other and share beautiful words of praise and love and stroke each other for hours with poetry, music, tenderness and gentleness. Be willing to play the extremes from the side of gentle, light, tender and delicate to ferociously wild, intense, gripping, and heart wrenching and soul searing.

What they should know:
There is something bigger than your vows. That is your big WHY. Your WHY is more important than any vow that’s dictated by something outside of you or by convention or tradition, or just sourced in a feel good moment. Deeper than a vow is a commitment to something that’s more fundamental than any superficial pact. And that is the biggest WHY. Find out and investigate, and always share with each other what you want with this relationship. “Beloved, how do you wish to create this relationship, my dearest? What shall we create together? How can we create more joy together?” Cleave to each other when the foundations of life get shaky. Recognize those as the times to temper, to strengthen any weaknesses within you from your love for each other, from your commitment to something bigger. Find that big why. Allow the yearning within you to have a relationship that is beyond just this personality – this person who is slowly fading year after year. The biggest why is found in knowing that this one, your most beloved, will pass. Be able to envision the end of your life, and look back to the beginning of your love affair. Know that you gave each other more and grew each other more in this union than you could have alone. You learned to give and receive in ways that continuously marvel yourself and sweeten the love that’s possible.

What, ME Worry?

“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened”

 

– Mark Twain

In today’s world, there are plenty of things to worry about and the list seems to grow everyday. And every day, I meet people in my personal and work activities, who demonstrate through their words and their actions that they spend far too much of their time worrying. What do they worry about? Well that depends on the person, however inevitably their worries fall into one of two catergoris…THINGS I CAN CONTROL and THINGS I CANNOT CONTROL.

Before we delve into these further, let’s define worrying. According to the Websters Dictionary worrying is defined as “To feel or experience distress or anxiety”. The act of worrying is nothing more than a mental and emotional way to cause ourselves unhappiness, stress and anxiety. It is bad for our health and wellness and leads to a great many physical and emotional illnesses.

1) Things I cannot control

If you find yourself spending any time at all worrying about things that you have no control over in your life, you need to STOP NOW. By definition, you have no control over these things and whether they happen or not, hence worrying about them is accomplishing nothing positive in your life. Let’s face it, from time to time circumstances or events will occur that will be of an unpleasant nature. Tragedy and misfortune are a part of life.

“Sunny days wouldn’t be special, if it wasn’t for rain
Joy wouldn’t feel so good, if it wasn’t for pain”
50 Cent

Being prepared for the inevitable rainy day is always a great idea. Take a few minutes to plan and prepare for things that may concern you. If you live in a an If you live in an area where natural disasters may occur, stock up on items that would be useful if one takes place. An ounce of prevention is equaled to a pound of cure. However, after you have done this, do not spend another second of your life worrying about whether this tragic event will or will not take place. The time you spend worrying will only add negative energy into your life, and take away from the time you should be spending focusing on the wonderful things you do have.

2) Things I can control

I have a friend, who everytime we meet up, talks about his difficulty making ends meet. We live in a world where a great many of us are living paycheck to paycheck, and sometimes, in the absence of a solid financial plan, paying the bills can be a challenge. Even with a plan, as the cost of living rises faster than our salaries, we should be regularly examining our plan to see if yesterday’s plan meets todays needs. So as I sit and listen to my friend, I asked him a simply question. “You seem worried about money. How is that working for you?” He replied not so well. Here was my advice to him. I told him I wanted him to book an appointment with his wife for a couple of hours within the next few days, and schedule a time to sit down and look at his plan. I then added that I wanted him to set up a weekly appointment time, one that must be kept, to discuss the financial needs and challenges they faced. I then finished by asking that he not think about his money problems for one second outside of this regularly scheduled time. Nowhere in the Websters Dictionary does it say “Worrying: A proven technique to resolving ones problems” All it does is lead to more problems. Follow this step by step analogy of exactly how this happens.

Step 1 – The decision to worry

Worrying is something we choose to do. It is not forced upon us. Worrying is a conscious decision to focus on a negative part of our lives. We choose to spend time thinking about these issues that worry us.

Step 2 – Thoughts lead to emotions

These thoughts directly drive our emotions. These emotions consist of fear and anger amongst others. These emotions can be described as that knot in your stomache, and they manifest themselves into physical symptoms such as headaches and nausea. Hence the term “Worried sick”.

Step 3 – Emotions lead to actions

These emotions and the physical symptoms they produce directly lead to our actions. Whether you are someone that smokes when stressed, pops pain killers to deal with the headaches, takes a sick day from that ulcer that is acting up, eats junk food to feel better or drinks to escape, these emotions are directly related to whatever coping mechanism we use.

Step 4 – Actions lead to results

Actions based on negative emotions such as fear and anger give us negative results in our lives. When sick we do not excel at our jobs or our lives. When drinking or on pain medication or sleeping in we are not putting out that effort that is needed to accomplish great things…our results are directly impacted by our actions and negative actions will lead to negative results.

Step 5 – Negative reults lead to more worry and more negative thoughts

This cycle is nothing short of toxic and it consumes us and drags us into a rut. When we perform badly due to the fact that we spent all of our time worrying about our problems instead of doing something about them in a productive manner, we will produce nothing more than MORE WORRIES.

The good news is that this cycle of worry and fear and anger and resentment does not have to continue. You can choose TODAY to make positive change in your lives, by choosing NOT to worry. Instead, book an appointment with yourself and your loved to sit down and discuss in a constructive manner how to solve this problem. The amount of time and frequency of sit downs will depend on the scope of the issue itself. Outside of that scheduled time, spend NO TIME OR ENERGY thinking about this problem. Replace these negative thoughts with positive ones and experience the exact opposite cycle in your life; where positive thoughts lead to positive emotions and positive actions and positive results and more positive thoughts. Find something you love, be it your children, a family pet or your favorite hobby and focus instead on things that put a smile on your face.

When we choose to stop worrying and stop focusing on the negative things in our lives, we unlock the power of positive thinking, and with this power, we can overcome any obstacles and begin that process of positive change in our life.

SHAME: The gremlin behind most dysfunction!

Shame is something we start to carry within us from an early age. “You shouldn’t have taken an extra cookie” “Did you break that vase?” “Your sister is good at math….why do you have such problems with it?” Parents, Teachers, Siblings and Friends mean well, but you’ve heard the comments that cut like a knife, and sadly, stay with you for the long haul. They create a new story in our heads, like “I’m not good at things like my sister” or worse, “I’m not good enough” period. The thing is, that’s a lie.

When Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW and research professor interviewed thousands of patients seeking counseling, she discovered SHAME was at the root of most dysfunction. I’m sure most of us realize that the reason for the shame is almost always NOT your fault, especially when you’re a child. And even if you exhibit bad behavior, isn’t that only human?

So how do you lay the shame in your life to rest?
1) Identify it – become aware of whatever story is holding you back and put it out in the light
2) Decide and Accept the fact that it’s not you fault
3) Let it go – recognize that this lie is not serving you anymore and FLUSH IT!
4) Replace it- with a positive confession. Whenever you purge something negative, you MUST replace it with something new that is functional or supportive. So say, “I am enough, just the way I am”. “I love myself, I love my life”. And say it proud. Say it dozens of times per day.
For information on Jo Clark or to follow her nteresting blog post go to:http://beautrition.wordpress.com/ or her network marketing website which is www.rfskincare.net

Also view Oprah and Brene Brown’s online class on Scrubbing Your Shame at: http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/Oprahs-Lifeclass-Dr-Brene-Brown-on-Vulnerability–Daring-Greatly

4 Tips to Overcoming Addiction

4 Keys to Overcoming Addiction

  1. Admit that you have a problem – this is the first step to any change.
  2. Find your Why – what is the main reason you want to overcome this habitat? For me this was my family. I visualized how heartbroken they would be without me. Keeping this in mind gave me purpose, motivation and the drive to stick with it.
  3. Positive Confession – constantly confess that you are strong enough to overcome this challenge. Write these confessions out and post them around you as a reminder that you can overcome this!
  4. Accountability – find an accountability partner or group that believes in you and is not afraid to be stern with you when needed.

Hung describes his whole journey to victory over smoking and life changing techniques in his upcoming book “Curve Balls of Life – Inspirational Stories and Steps to Rise to the Top“. For more inspiring tips and information about Hung Please check out Hung’s website www.docoaching.net or contact him at: hungdoyn987@gmail.com

Top 5 shocking reasons why staying positive is hard

Why is it hard to stay positive all the time?

Being positive is very important because it contributes to a healthy mindset and lifestyle. But there are still many people in this world that have negative mindsets. However, they ought not to be blamed. There are a number of factors that contribute towards negativity. A person’s negativity can only be reduced based on how much willpower that person may have towards staying positive. This also requires a good amount of mental exercise.

Here are the top 5 reasons why staying positive is hard:

1) Television
We can’t stay positive when the news constantly reports on current events that involve war, violence, crimes, death, illnesses or diseases, and poverty. There is also an increasingly number of reality shows that are being aired that do not give much value to today’s generation.
Instead, read books and listen to audios for at least an hour on a daily basis that gives a good dose of motivation and inspiration. While it is important to stay in touch with current world events, it is also important to NOT indulge in too much negative news that can bring negative emotions. Perhaps, make sure that you watch only TV shows that bring value.

2) Environment or surroundings
There is a certain good amount of negativity that can exist in our own surroundings or the environment that we live in. This can come from the behavior of others in the society or perhaps the laws or regulations that the government imposes that some of their people may not necessarily agree with, all of which that can cause people to indulge in them and develop opinions of. This can spark emotions that involve sadness, anger, jealousy, and hatred.
While they can’t change these situations, they can definitely try to remove or limit their own negative response to these types of events by surrounding themselves with only the good things and people.

3) Family
It can be fairly difficult if you have a family member that continues to degrade, demoralize, or discourage you in some ways that can potentially have an impact in your life.
There is so much negativity a person can take in a household, that when it is too much for any person to handle they would have every right to remove themselves from the family or cut off all ties.
But on the other hand, there are ways to dissolving negativity in a family. It may take a little bit of time and effort, but if it means saving a family, it can be worth it. This could involve more communication amongst family members and making efforts to encourage one another, or even seeking help from a family therapist. It is definitely more important to salvage family relationships than to flee from it.

4) Social influences
The friends that you hang out and mingle with can have a great impact on staying positive. People who are constantly gossiping and backstabbing can hurt a person’s mental and emotional health. Eliminating or extracting yourselves totally from this group of people can help to resolve the situation. It is important to choose your friends or even acquaintances wisely, if you want to stay positive. It is recommended that you pick friends that are like-minded and share the common traits because that way you will be able to maintain positivity.

5) You
Did you know that YOU can be your own worst enemy?
Sometimes you listen to two voices in your heads; one that agrees with you, and the other one that disagrees. If you have a mentality that is always consistently negative, it is impossible to stay positive. You need to remind yourselves that you are responsible for your own thoughts. You are your own demons as much as you are your own inspiration. However, you have the ability and the power to choose.
Surround yourselves as much as you can with people who will continue to encourage you and teach you the virtues that are necessary to empower your life. Make a “ripple” effect on the lives of others through the power of teaching and education. The only way you can continue to stay positive is through encouraging others to do and think the same.
Written By: Amylia Faizal

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